Despite the spread of the idea of free relationships and the increase of people who admit to themselves and their partner in their own polyamory, there are still many dreamers with thoughts of eternal love and death in one day. Proponents of monogamy and fidelity – admit it, haven’t you dreamed of feeling like Ed and Norma from “Twin Peaks” – a passionate and at the same time trusting relationship for life? Of course, not without difficulties, but is it important when there is such a strong love?
So what happens to a person when they fall in love, how do feelings change during a long relationship and is the same love possible for life?
Crush or a love interest?
What is glorified in the mascot as true love – passion, the desire to be always near, thoughts of only one person – in practice turns out to be love?
In the first stages of falling in love, a person romanticizes as much as possible the person he or she is in love with. Everyone who has encountered this recognizes this feeling: my love has no flaws, he/she is just the perfect person. Suffering when you divorce for even a few hours, emotional dependence, sacrifice, maximum sexual desire – these are all signs of love.
It is difficult to control such feelings, it is impossible to restrain and switch from thoughts about the object of love. Infatuation is associated with the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine. It is he who forces to fight for a loved one, spending efforts to establish a relationship. Besides, the stress hormone cortisol, the hormone adrenaline, and the neurotransmitter norepinephrine are connected. You have to live with all this explosive mixture: to feel a crazy heartbeat when meeting a loved one and a constant desire to almost fly away from happiness if the feelings are mutual. There is side (and not so pleasant) effects: insomnia, loss of appetite, increased sweating. But is it so important when you are in love?
Later, as the relationship progresses, cortisol levels decline, giving way to serotonin and oxytocin. After the roller coaster of love, the body moves to another mode: the formation of long-term attachment, a constant sense of security, and maximum spiritual unity. This is where the same true love begins, which lasts for years and decades.
Love and sex
If the lovers are not asexual, in the first stage of the relationship, the sexual attraction to each other is maximum. The sexual attraction is affected by the hormone testosterone (in both sexes). During sex, the above-mentioned dopamine is released.
Over time, the attraction and pleasure of sex in monogamous relationships decrease, as evidenced by a survey of more than 38 thousand people who have long-term relationships. The number of those who were also satisfied with their sex lives decreased by almost a third. And this is, actually, absolutely normal – the passion, as in the first year, gradually decreases, giving way to other feelings. Also, cohabitation and many other factors that affect sexual desire play a role.
Is eternal love possible?
All incorrigible romantics can rejoice: to go through many happy and horrible moments together, to spend several decades side by side, not to be affected, and to continue to love each other is quite possible. At the same time, the state of constant love, as on the first day, is eternally impossible to maintain, strong feelings, kinship, respect and the same love (not to be confused with love) really happens not only in fairy tales. And yes, this feeling persists throughout life.
Of course, you can’t ride on one passion for a long time: joint efforts are the foundation of the same love for life. Willingness to listen to another person, look for compromises and take care of them – sounds much better than tired of “working on the relationship” and at the same time conveys the essence: if both in a couple meet each other, most likely, their life together will be long and happy. No one is safe from disappointments in love and the breakup of even a long-term marriage, and at least it should be understood that the dreamed eternal feelings really exist.